She Writes Good

This the first installment in my series of unsolicited and probably unhelpful wedding planning advice.

There should be a help line for parents when their children get engaged.  Seriously, a slip of paper with the 1-800-number should come standard in all engagement ring boxes.

It would have been so helpful if, when I finally saw my parents three weeks after we got engaged, I could have shown off my ring (waiting for the obligatory, “Oh it’s so…beautiful and unique!”)  and then said, “Oh, mom, there is this slip of paper for you too.  It’s some number you’re supposed to call if you need some assistance.  I’m not sure what it’s for, but you’re supposed to call it before you call me with any questions or opinions.”

If your child is insisting on getting married at an outside venue instead of in a church, Press 1…..

“OK, honey, I will call this number.  But, I can’t imagine that I am going to have any questions about what you want to do for your wedding.  I am sure you are going to do a great job.”

If your child wants to have a friend officiate the wedding instead of a minister, Press 2……

“I mean, you’ve been to so many weddings over the past few years, this is going to be old hat to you!”

If your child doesn’t want to register at the local department store for items because they already have them or don’t need them, Press 3…..

If your child does not want a cake, Press 4….

“Besides, I remember our wedding and there were so many people giving their thoughts to me, I do not want to do that to you.”

If you have extremely strong opinions about colors, floral arrangements, or other decorative elements, Press 5….

If you are having concerns about the guest list, Press 6….

If you are worried about the weather, Press 7….

If you believe this is the only bonding moment you will ever have with your child again, Press 8…

If you do not understand the choice of music for any dancing portion of the reception, Press 9….

“Honestly, honey, I will be happy with whatever you decide.  This is YOUR day.”

If you find that you are ending strongly worded suggestions to your son or daughter with the phrase, ‘do whatever you want, it’s your day,’

Please hang up and dial again.

What were some of your family’s worries when you started planning your wedding? Let’s hear them in the comments!